Yesterday I broke…

Yesterday I broke…

In life – we make mistakes, we over commit, people we love get cancer, we piece together resources in moments of lack, and fit in moments of connection into already full days. We stretch, we bend, we break.

Yesterday I broke. Yesterday I surrendered.

In the pauses and moments of connection to that voice within, I was gifted answers and solace. I found clarity in boundaries. I saw truth in love and kindness. And I leaned into that love.

The day broke open my heart, and with that, let the pressure release… like the steam button on my InstaPot – making space for my heart to expand – in truth and love.

In that expansiveness, I asked the Universe for guidance. Guidance on how to manage the push and pull of the complex web of circumstances that had clouded my thoughts overnight, giving me only a few hours of sleep.

It made way for decisions to let go of what is not as important right now in life. I saw clarity around where my love is needed most at this time. I saw pathways to potentially mend a dear relationship I had jeopardized in unintentional error with a mentor and teacher, and extended a leaf of offering with love. In this space of expansiveness, the Universe gave me the proper words I needed to respond to the growing demands on my time – words filled with love and compassion and understanding.

And this was all before 6 am.

In the midst of looking at the very full day ahead of me, I pulled up my big girl skirt and headed to a board meeting, pressure continuing to release in the tearful drive down the mountain. I sat through the meeting, numbed by lack of sleep and multi-dimensional push and pull of all the happenings in my life that had come together on this single day. I hoped that no one would ask the simple question “how are you today?” fearful I would burst into tears.

As I left, I called a few of my trusted board colleagues that I’ve come to know and love, and asked for space – letting go of some responsibilities for now – to make way for more important things in my life.

Onto a podcast interview, where my guest divinely shared, “Be the best you can be at what you’re doing at the time, and forgive yourself for not being the best at everything all the time. You’ve got to let go of that.” Thank you Heidi Ganahl for those words of wisdom so perfectly brought forth on this day.

And then the love of the day began to flow. Like magic.

I called my mom, and cried through the telling of the perfect storm of this day and I felt her love lift me up.

And then a short stroll into the barn to breathe in the soulful breath of my loving mare, Destiny in the warm Colorado sunshine. I felt my body expand with the warmth and love.

And then back in the car, I called my BFF on a tearful-drive, where I spewed out the story of my day barely taking a breath in our 20 minute one-way conversation. She took in the stories with quiet patience and full of love.

Finally, a sweet kiss on my dear sister’s forehead, as I sit with her and her failing body – yet seeing the light, the love and the strength and courage that she steps into every day, despite the perils that she faces – which are so much bigger that these that I face on this day. The sweetest love no doubt.

As I pull into my driveway after this reality-filled day, I pause to read a Facebook post that my BFF had just written, which mirrored the loving words of wisdom she shared with me at the end of our call just a few hours before.

The moon can’t be FULL all the time.

That’s a fact, jack.

So why don’t you take a nod from nature and give yourself a little grace?

YOU can’t be fully expressed all of the time either.

It’s not natural.

Energy shifts.

Things move

It’s required to keep everything in flow.

And then, in a blink of an eye, you’re shining at your brightest again.

#grace #shifthappens

~Sarah Bohnenkamp

My heart swelled with gratitude for our friendship and her love.

And with that, I walk into the house and there is my loving husband – who had skipped out on an evening commitment – to be home when I walked through the door. Wrapping his strong arms around me, lifting me up in his love.

What I discovered yesterday was that in the very cracking open of my heart, love filled in the crevasses.

As women… as entrepreneurs, leaders, mothers, sisters, wives and all the roles we play in our life we will face days like this on occasion.

And when days like these come, open your heart. Make space to pause. Lean in. Love, surrender, the magical, mystical ways of the Universe and its ever-flowing wisdom: that is what I’m grateful for today. Happy Valentines Day my friend.

Know that whatever is flowing in your life on this day is in motion. Know that not every day is flowers and roses – but in every day, there are abundant gifts of love, wisdom and truth to be discovered – if you only pause to look. May you be in awe of the wonder and love that surrounds you.


Comments (2)

OMG Kami! This was so beautifully touching to read! I’m so sorry that you are going through this tough time with your sister’s health. Wow what a BBF you have in Sarah and your hubby! Loving thoughts sending your way! So grateful you are in the world doing so much good to it! XOXO Love you, Jodi

Oh thank you Jodi! It was a difficult day – and in the midst of all the love it got better! Love to you too!

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