Recently, I had a coaching conversation with a woman who had been working hard to put words around her message. She knew the depth of her work, but each time she tried to explain it, she began second-guessing herself. Was she saying too much? Was she saying enough? I could sense how much she wanted the words to feel as true as the work itself.
I asked her questions and gave her space to speak from her heart and soul about the work she had spent years creating. I wanted to understand what she believed, what her work made possible and what she most wanted women to experience. As she spoke, I could feel the energy in her words and how deeply she had lived this work. What she shared moved me.
I recorded our conversation, and afterward, I turned her own words into a messaging document she could use for her website, speaking and offers. I didn’t write those words; they came from her. My job was to listen, notice the ideas she kept returning to and shape them into language that would help her audience recognize the possibility she was offering.
Later that week, I watched a recording of her sharing her message. I heard the same words we had uncovered in our conversation, delivered with the same conviction I had felt when we spoke. Nothing sounded memorized or manufactured. She embodied the message because it was hers.
She had previously been encouraged to use market declarations, modeling formulas and language that felt more like marketing. I understand why people reach for those structures. We want the people we are here to serve to understand how we can help them. In this case, the formulas would have flattened her message and taken away the qualities that made me lean in when she spoke.
Recently, I have been on the other side of this work as I prepare for a keynote I’ll deliver next month. I have been telling many of my stories for years, and those stories have served me and my audiences well. This time, I felt called to let some new stories come to life in my speaking. I simply hadn’t landed on which stories were the ones I needed to tell right now. As my work has grown, I’ve been asking myself which stories speak to the message I’m leading today.
That was why I chose to work with someone who led me through a two-hour private story-mining session. She asked questions and gave me space to explore stories I had never shared from the stage. The process helped me recognize which moments mattered for the talk I wanted to give.
She took that conversation and created a first draft of a 45-minute talk. The stories were there, and many of my words were there. The draft still needed closer alignment with my core messages and the ideas I most wanted the audience to carry with them.
With some guidance from me, we were able to weave together the archway of the talk, filled with my stories, my words and my messages. The story-mining brought forward stories I might not have chosen on my own, and the work we did afterward connected them to what I wanted to say.
These two experiences reminded me how much can happen when someone listens closely and asks the right questions. My client heard her own message reflected back to her. I found new stories for a message I had been living and speaking about for years. In both cases, having another person in the process helped us hear what mattered.
By this point in our lives and businesses, we have stories, wisdom and experience. The deeper work is deciding which stories belong at the center of the message we are leading now. Which lived truth gives people a way into your work? Which belief are you ready to stand behind more boldly? Which message can only be led by you?
As your work evolves, your message grows with you. Your authority is felt when your stories, your words and your leadership point in the same direction. That is when people begin to remember what you stand for and see what becomes possible through your work.
This is one of the conversations I’m excited to bring into Extraordinary Women Ignite, November 5–7 in Colorado. If you’re feeling called to give more voice to the ideas you’re here to lead, I would love to have you in the room with us.
